When I decided to start a blog a few years ago, I wasn’t sure what exactly it would be about and I definitely didn’t have a schedule for how often I’d post. I was pretty certain that I’d never start a post by saying, “Sorry I’ve been gone so long!” or “I bet you’re wondering where I went!” because I’m positive no one has been waiting with bated breath to read about why I regretted my latest bathing suit purchase or how I make meringues.
It’s odd, though, how connection forms through wi-fi waves. Some of you I don’t see very often in person, but I’ve connected with you because you read or comment on things I’ve shared. It’s hard to explain how much I appreciate that. Especially for me, spending my adult life as an elementary school teacher and a mom, I wasn’t totally convinced that I could say grown-up words to full-sized people and be understood. Your taking time to read, share, and connect means so much. When I thought about it, ghosting from the blog didn’t feel like a show of appreciation, so I thought I’d write a post to explain.
The short answer is I have no idea how to exist in the world. I mean, I know the parts that make up a day: the sleeping, waking, eating, driving, hugging, working, and cleaning. There are even things that I’m good at, and I thought by sharing those things I could help people a bit. Here’s where I get hung up: As soon as I share something that’s working, I’m afraid there’s a subtle implication that it’s all going well. Here are some examples of things I’ve almost written along with the lie I was afraid I’d transmit:
|A craft for kids||My children always love my |
affinity for hands on activities and have never actually cried when
they see me take out the food
|Some tips to get kids to help |
around the house
|The kids were just singing hymns |
while polishing all the toilets!
Aren’t we awesome?!
|A recipe||I make everything from scratch |
and we didn’t have hot dogs three
times in two days.
I haven’t been able to figure out how to share the best of what I have to offer without feeling like it’s deceptive. The thing is, of course, that it’s all happening at once – the serene and lovely always rides with the chaos and pain. How do I tell the whole story without sounding insane? Maybe this…
I’ve been working on a nighttime routine that helps me transition from day-to-night. First, I make lovely cup of tea. Then I draw a nice hot bath and put on some soothing music. The kids are screaming, but I’m going to pretend like I can’t hear them. I also like to meditate or pray. Is that lump under my arm? I should call the doctor. Once my pores have opened up a bit, I like to apply a face mask. Now that I know I’m going to die young, I need to figure out how to be a ghost matchmaker for my husband so he isn’t lonely. Don’t forget your lips! A nice lip mask will leave your lips feeling supple and kissable 😉 Google: “what to do if my husband doesn’t believe in ghosts but i need to fix him up from beyond the grave”
So, this is where I live – having what I believe are good and valuable things to share, but thoroughly mixed with all of the crazy that comes with being alive. And because I haven’t learned how to communicate those two parts of my life effectively, I stay quiet.
I’ll keep working on it. Maybe the key is to just share more? The offering of gifts with a hearty helping of flaws on the side? I don’t know. Obviously. I’d love to hear your thoughts because this is clearly something I struggle with and I’d love any insights you’d be willing to share.
OH! This is important! I really did have a lump under my arm and I did have it checked out right away. The official diagnosis was fat. So…….that’s good. 🙂